The Art of Persuasion: How to get no one to agree with you

When talking with others and discussing any issue of merit and/or importance, there is usually a back and forth that goes on between people. For centuries these discourses have usually been peaceful and respectful, following certain unspoken rules of civility (of course, not all the time, but then those would often end in murder).

These days, there seems to be quite a bit of emotion--intense emotion--involved. Of course, it is not impossible to find some good discussion, and sometimes this falls more along the lines of a debate.

Now, a debate presumes a prescribed list of certain rules to follow: the laws of logic, kind but solid refutation, and deftness in your thinking. We engage others because we believe we are right and the other person is not right and needs to understand their need of correction. If we did not believe this, we would just, well...eat stuff and watch youtube or Survivor or something.

So, the following is what you should always do when you want no one to believe you are informed.  Do these things so that others know, for a fact, that you have no idea what you are talking about.

1) Don't really try to figure anything out or learn anything new. You just want to spout because you will feel better in a few minutes.
2) Use words that have a variety of different meanings. It is best to be as vague as possible--this gives you a reason to be mad later when they don't understand what exactly it is that you are saying.
3) Have no real ideas that you have thought through. You indeed have brought presuppositions, but you have never traced their logical originations with any objectivity. And you really can't explain how you came to your conclusions with any rationality, justification, or meaning.
4) Your reasons for saying anything do not even have a purpose. You really just are saying things because you think you believe them; there is no sound goal to your concepts.  You just want 'peace.'
5) What you talk about should contain as few ideas, concepts, and examples as possible. Just tell what you believe, and then repeat it.
6) You have some facts and figures, but your reasoning does not connect the evidence, data, or information in any rational way. This is usually done with an emotional delivery.
7) Your point of view is indiscernible to whoever you're talking to (nor to the poor souls in the room who are observing this scene).
8) Never use the ideas either of us brought up so far to draw any inferences. In fact, forget what both of us have said and again, just repeat yourself--but do it louder this time.
9) Your speech should be peppered with lots of swearing. This is the most obvious way to get people to stop listening and walk away from you; plus you're simultaneously proving that you, indeed, are an idiot.
Bonus--10) Follow all of these rules in front of children.