On Upbringing

If anyone has ever watched the show on A&E called Intervention, they would know that in each episode, at about 12 minutes in, there is a feature of the person's childhood. I have always noticed that, to a person, they use their upbringing as the core of their addictions. Whether the person is an alcoholic ('my parents drank') or an abuser of 'hard'/illegal substances ('I was beaten') they lean on, and blame, their childhood every single episode. Those with addictions can be young, i.e. in their twenties, or older, but it is always the same story. It is always the same excuse.

We each have an upbringing. We can't escape it. It has to have formed us to a large degree and we each know that. Our habits were formed during that time. Our personality traits were tested and polished during those years. Our characters developed amidst the unique circumstances in which we found ourselves. Often, it was even unique times among siblings, as some were either much older or younger. So it is natural to carry the baggage of our upbringings. However, I don't see why we can get away with using our upbringings as an excuse.

"What?! But you just finished saying we are a product of our growing up!" Yes, I did. But if we are adults, there is no excusable rationale for the blame that we lay at our parents feet. If we are adults, there is no one making the choices we make but ourselves. Our choices are what affect our relationships; how we developed does not affect them. What we say or do to others around us are what they see. They don't see that our parents drank themselves into an angry rant and proceeded to kick our rumps up and down the hallway. They don't know that our homes were filled with yelling, slamming doors, and silent evenings alone. Our relationships we have today cannot experience what we have long suppressed in the depths of our souls.

What we decide to do today is what our family members, friends, and neighbors see. How we conduct ourselves in a minute-by-minute basis reflects on the importance we place on those individuals around us. I am always amazed at the types of relationships people end up with, either because they hate themselves or they respect themselves. It is clear as the nose on our faces. Those people are dealing with their own personal demons, too.

Of course, not everyone has endured the same struggles, memories, or tendencies. Some of the people we know had great, loving, and healthy families. (I personally have been quite jealous of those people in the past.) In America, the possibility of the 'Cleaver' family still exists. Unfortunately, I fear this ideal situation is in a slender minority today.

I am reminded of something that struck me like a iron skillet across the face while sitting in a court-mandated class many years ago: "You own your actions."
Simple isn't it?