My Story

I wrote this for a project some friends have at St. Cloud State University. It felt good to get it down; it describes, in summary form, some high and low points from my life. Enjoy!

I was born at an early age in California; I had already traveled across the Western US in the womb. Between my first and second birthdays my parents opened the door to some proselytizers from the Jehovah's Witness organization. Swallowing hook, line, and sinker the sale, the cake my mom had made that was shown in those photographs of my first birthday party was sadly my last; JW's don't choose to remember or honor Christmas, the Pledge of Allegiance, or birthdays (while at the same time claiming that the Son of God had a birthday not just on Earth, but in Heaven—but I digress). I was five the first time my father hit my face; my mother scolded him and for the first time, he hit her face, too. Two brothers later and eight years old, my family moved up to Oregon where I finished out my childhood amidst a family no longer 'tainted' by religiosity, but bathed in a practical atheism. We had no rule of law in the home save for my father's tyranny. The television was always on and Sundays were for sleeping in. It was normal for me.

I was a good student in high school. I ran with a group of Mormon's (they have a higher population out West). In addition, a girl I met in 9th grade went to a different school and was a Mormon too; she became my girlfriend. At 17, I had decided she was to be my daily nourishment and wished to be baptized into the Latter Day Saints church (see, they have another testament of Jesus Christ, and are happy to tell you all about it in a lesson of 6 sessions, with flash cards, presented by two young men in ties and bicycle helmets). My father did not approve, demanding that I stop seeing her immediately—that was the last night he punched me. I got baptized into the LDS organization at 18; she broke up with me a month later.

I had moved into my best friend's house to finish my senior year, and my father told me I would have to take care of school on my own. Though I was going to attend the University of Oregon the next fall, I never made it. That summer after high school, I found myself in Northern Minnesota working at a resort that my (step-)grandmother owned. I found chemicals that summer. Within a few years, having lived in a couple states along the way, I had found more chemicals than I needed, but as many as I liked. I should have died the night I had a gun in my face.

I hated God, even though I claimed He didn't exist. Meanwhile, I was singing in a rock band, reading Existentialists, dabbling in Eastern mysticism, and I had moved to St. Cloud, Minnesota. I met a nice girl there, but I wanted to live in Oregon and so we moved to Portland. We conceived a year or two later, and so I married her; she wished to have the baby at 'home'. I said, “We are home.” She disagreed and I lost. When Madeline was a year old, her mother decided to party more than come home at night. We were separated that summer and divorced a year later. I still live in the St. Cloud area because I am 'Dad.' I love being Dad.

Being the studious type and nightly home alone with a toddler, I begun to study why the Bible was wrong. Within months, I had discovered that the Old Testament was actually quite historically reliable, but I surmised that the God it revealed was the same One that Jews, Muslims, and Christians all claimed to be 'only theirs'; I thought I had insight that no one ever had before.

I met some members of my family that I never knew the summer I was separated; they were Christians. They showed me that the reliable Old Testament proved the New Testament was reliable too! There were fore-tellings, or prophecies, written centuries before that literally came true in the Man, Jesus of Nazareth. That night they showed me these things was the night of my Second Birth. I can only describe it as a sensation where I felt Love come down into my being like I had never known. What's more, I had Love for others that I had never known before. I was not a nice person, actually, so this was foreign to me. It was a remarkable night I will never forget.

That was Sept. 13, 1998. I drove the 2 ½ hours back to St. Cloud, opening the phone book at one point because I needed to find a non-denominational church. After trying a couple churches over the course of a few months, the chemicals that I still preferred won a few more battles. It was two years of living like oil and water, with ten of those days sentenced to a county jail cell.

Today, by the Grace of God, I am remarried to a wonderful Christian woman who loves Madeline as her own. I am seeking my bachelor's degree (at Bethel) along the way while working full time. I still battle demons every day; I suppose that will never stop. I am also on staff at a church in town teaching students about the amazing love of God. I am so grateful that I can share my story with people; even though it's depressing, I am not depressed or angry anymore. I don't think I am any more unique than any one else. In fact, my story is similar to millions, probably billions, like it in History where my weakness became a place for His strength.
Sola Fide